She and him on Call of Duty

by Josh Ford and Hannah Watson

A man's perspective

November 8, 2011, does this date ring a bell?

For many of the females out there it will; it’s probably the day you stopped hearing from your boyfriend.

He became distant, blunt and withdrawn, stopped replying to your texts and returning your calls, but don’t be alarmed – he’s only playing Call of Duty (COD).

Guys, this has been the most highly anticipated event of your year.

You’ve looked forward to this day more than your anniversary, something your girlfriend won’t be best pleased about.

But that time of year has come again and this time it brings us Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3.

But what is it about it that has these guys glued to their TV screens instead of their girlfriends?

1. COD doesn’t care if you have morning breath or haven’t showered in the last three days.

2. You can pretend that you’re actually at war on COD, if you did that around your girlfriend chances are she probably wouldn’t be your girlfriend for much longer.

3. If you mess up on COD you can just try again as many times as you need to until you get it right. Sadly you can’t always do the same with your girlfriend.

4. It’s a hell of a lot easier to turn on COD.

5. You don’t have to take COD out for drinks or dinner with your friends or pay it any compliments.

6. COD doesn’t force you to give it your full attention. You do it because you want to.

7. COD doesn’t make you talk about your feelings or emotions; your girlfriend insists you do.

8. You can’t make your girlfriend entertain you at all hours of the night, but you can with COD.

9. You can’t turn the volume down on your girlfriend.
 

10. You can turn COD off when you get bored.

 

The Call of Duty widow

The 'COD Widow' - the phrase defining the new group of forsaken women whose once loving, doting partners fall victim to the grip of Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3.

I get it. It's a genre defining game. It has revolutionized 'shoot em up' games as we know it.

Yes, the graphics are amazing, yes you can play it online. Yes, you can have silly little chats with other player through you headset. And yes, you can pretend to be a big strong solider.

But has anyone ever spared a thought for the little known COD Widow. There is a way out of this mess girls. I know it seems bleak. The game has just been released and your boyfriend is currently embroiled in a world where he can live vicariously through a little animated solider.

Here are 10 reasons why sometimes it's best your boyfriend plays COD:

1. You can actually eat an entire pot of ice cream without him noticing. The guilt of thinking he thinks you're a fatty will no longer trouble you.

2. You can look like an absolute state and I promise you, under no circumstances will he take a blind bit of notice.

3. Send him to his friends to play! Let him know you understand it’s designed to be a multiplayer game. Then sit down, relax and watch endless episodes of your favourite soaps and reality TV - without hearing the inevitable sighs from your boyfriend.

4. You need a night out with the girls, but he always moans he doesn't get to see you as it is. In the full grips of the claws of MW3 he will seize the opportunity!

5. I'm not sure if any of you have tried, but it is possible to get a half decent cuddle whilst he's so courageously being a mini solider! All is not lost...

6. If he completes a mission, he will come to bed more macho and manly than you ever knew possible. Channel his inner solider.

7. It has a headset girls! Borrow it and bust out some serious old school Britney moves.

8. That essay you’ve been trying to complete for days, Call of Duty will allow you the peace and quiet to do so - without having to listen to your boyfriend vie.

9. Let him play as much Call Of Duty as possible, you’ll earn some serious brownie points. Cash them in when he least expects it.

10. If all else fails... Agree to play multiplayer. I promise you, if you've never played you'll be shockingly bad. He'll eventually give in, realise you're ruining the whole point, and agree to spend the night having endless cuddles.